When I was 13, 14 or so, I read many philosophy books. I read a book that contained summaries of the main ideas of many philosophers. I read several books written by Albert Camus and several books written by Friedrich Nietsche. Camus books were easier to read, but both were gifted philosophers. Although professors of philosophy at famous universities wrote that Camus and Nietsche were athiests and did not believe in God, I interpreted thier writings slightly differently. I saw them unhappy with the crews on the ground, but not necessarily unhappy with or not believing in God.
The first philosophers I read all sort of committed suicid. Maybe not officially, but in one way or another they managed to end thier lives.
Socrates didn’t commit suicide in the formal sense, but was sentenced to death for not taking back some things he said that were not in line with the opinions of the rulers at the time. If he had withdrawn his statements which were not conform with the allowed ideas, he would not have died. So his death was also a sort of suicide.
Although Friedrich Nietsche didn’t die due to suicide, he did attempt suicide, if I remember correctly. It is also not clear to me how he got pneumonia at the end of his life, which resulted in his death. Perhaps he opened the window to his room and let the fire in the oven heating the room go out. Knowingly doing things dangerous to your own health would sort of be suicide.
Albert Camus died in an automobile accident. As he rode as a passenger in his friend’s sportscar, the car went off a straight, level road and hit a tree. What caused the accident? Did the two friends argue? I think his death was a kind of suicide.
Perhaps that’s why I didn’t become a philosopher. The first philosophers I read all died suicide-like deaths.